oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
