If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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