Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
