I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
