Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
