you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
