I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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