DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
