Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So much rum. So many feels.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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