You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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