Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
