Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
