she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
