I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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