My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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