2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
now i know why i became what i already was.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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