He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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