either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
