i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
