I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
