that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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