I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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