ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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