I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
