Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize