my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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