I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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