She's JV to your varsity
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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