I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
