I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
