i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
