My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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