Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
