I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I had to cum in my sink.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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