Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
