Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
