Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
