I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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