My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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