Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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