I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize