So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
