can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize