Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
