I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
