I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
