Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize