Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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