If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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