Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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