Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your penis caused this!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize