Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
