I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize