I'm lost and stupid without you.
the condom got lost in my hair
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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