He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
