just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
