im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize