Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
