Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
