mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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