WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
