This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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