Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
