On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
