so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
