there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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