You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
