Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
