i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
