getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
