I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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