My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
