I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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