The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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