Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
