jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
