you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
