I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
