booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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