i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
