yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
