I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
